Grieving with Uvalde

some ways to respond to tragedy

Hello. It felt wrong to continue with the scheduled Art Camp content today when such an evil, horrifying thing has happened to children. Here are some thoughts on how to respond to the Uvalde tragedy.

Let Yourself Feel Sad and Angry

Emotions can be so complex after something like this. There are so many people to be sad for, we’re not really sure what “justice” is supposed to look like, and it’s not like there’s anything we can vote on today. You might feel angry, helpless, sick, heartbroken…maybe numb. It’s a very uncomfortable thing to process.

But I encourage you to sit in your feelings. Take the time today to grieve. Get alone. (If solitude feels impossible with kids, maybe make a “solitude swap” with another mom and take turns watching all the kids so you can be alone for 30 minutes.) Put your phone on airplane mode and cry and journal. It might feel like a waste of time to focus on lamenting, but it will impact you. Someday there might be more of an opportunity to take action, and maybe the lamenting that you’re doing today will help you respond in the future.

Talk With Your Kids

You probably don’t need to burden a preschooler with news that doesn’t directly affect them, but if your kids’ friends will be talking about it, you’ll want to talk to them first, if you can. Many of their parents might not have known what to say. Is there any comfort you can pass on to your kids? (You never know, they might pass that comfort on to their hurting friends.) Make sure you ask questions and open yourself to discussion.

Don’t Fear

Last year, 49 children in America died from gunfire on school grounds. That is horrible. That number should be 0. Our nation can (and must) do more to protect kids. But as we weigh the risks of sending our kids to school, we do have to consider the odds: there are something like 73 million kids in America. The chances of your child becoming a victim to gunfire while at school are very, very low.

Schools need to have drills and we need to take political action, and maybe there are reasons you should be concerned for your child’s safety when they go to school. Maybe you do need to consider an alternative for where they spend their days.

But, statistically, you do not need to be afraid of this kind of tragedy happening to your kids. We’re not at our best when we’re overwhelmed with what-ifs.

What Would the Grieving Parents Want?

Though we might not have heard anything from the Uvalde parents yet, let’s listen when they speak. What would they want us to know, and how would they want us to respond today?

I think they would want us to be angry and demand that political parties compromise and take action. I think they would be pleased to know that lots of money and blood are being donated throughout the country.

But I also think they would want us to enjoy our kids more than ever and treasure each day with gratitude like never before.

Parent Intentionally

Everyone talks about how we can “do better” and take political action—which we can, and should—but we also need to remember that a person (usually a young person) made a very evil, devastating decision from his heart. I’m not saying we should blame the parents of shooters for their child’s action, but a big actionable way to respond is that we parent intentionally.

May we raise kids who are deeply confident that they are loved and secure, who value human life with seriousness and dignity.

Engage their senses, give them time in nature, listen to them, spend time enjoying them, and help guard them against mental health issues such as depression and depersonalization/derealization (which is a terrifying feeling, if you’ve ever experienced that or know someone who has.)

Light a Candle

A couple months ago, we shared here about how songs can really help when you don’t have words. In Andy Gullahorn’s song “Light a Candle” he says,

Sometimes all this pain and sadness

Is more than a heart can handle

But I’m tired of cursing at the darkness

I’m gonna light a candle

-Andy Gullahorn, “Light A Candle”

Is there a way that you can bring some light to a dark world today? Maybe you could make a good meal, paint something beautiful, hug someone, send an encouraging text.

Grieving together,

Hope