Helping Others Feel Seen (+ courageous symbols for the coming year)

Hello! I hope your weekend was sweet and meaningful. Many of your families, I’m sure, have been battling with seasonal illness these past couple months, and you’re exhausted from all the days of missed work and school. Plus, the rising costs of everything can make this Christmas even more financially stressful than usual. There might be grief and trauma this holiday season that you just wish you could get over. It’s been a tough month for a lot of people. Hang in there!

Today I want to encourage you, as you plan gifts, plot for good, and have conversations at dinner parties, to think about this: how can you help others feel seen?

Suffering alone is one of the very worst things many of us can imagine. A natural childbirth can be grueling, but if you have loved ones holding your hand, cheering you on, bringing you ice and heat packs and Reese’s cups? Even if you’d just prefer that they stand on the side and give you space, it makes all the difference to know that there are people who see you in your pain, who are ready at a moment’s notice to help you.

Can you think of anyone who is going through a hard time who might feel like no one has ever had to deal with the same things? They might feel they have to bushwhack a whole new path to figure this out. How can you be a friend to this person? Maybe you can carry the canteen and machete sheath for them as they forge new trails. Maybe you can sweat in the mud and slash away with them. Or maybe you can help them find a well-worn road that many others have already been on.

Father Christmas’s Symbols of Courage

A surprising scene in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe movie and book includes a wonderful cameo from none other than Father Christmas. He arrives on his sled just as things are about to get really serious for the Pevensie children, and he gives each child a special gift that will help them in the perilous events to come.

A practical (and fun) tradition you might consider as your family faces a new year is to think about what struggles your loved ones will have to face in the next year and give them symbolic gifts to help them feel equipped for the battle.

Here are the gifts we gave our kids in a Courage for the New Year ceremony a couple years ago; nearly all the physical items were from Dollar Tree.

• Rope of Trust to escape the Pit of Despair - a rope for an 8-year-old who would get lost in their thoughts and feel alone)

• Lock of Love to trap the Beast of Resentment - a padlock for a 7-year-old who struggled with unhealthy anger

• Key of Confidence to flee the Dungeon of Dismay - a cool-looking key for a 5-year-old who would get discouraged very easily

• Torch of Zeal to Ignite Productivity - a taper candle for a preschooler who didn’t like to do things for herself

• Resin of Unity - an empty spice jar filled with water) for a group of siblings who are learning that they’re all better off when they help each other thrive

These gifts are practically useless, of course, but they’re symbolic. The point of these silly gifts is to show your child that you see their tendencies, you know their heart, you’re aware of what challenges they might face in the next year…and that you’re here for all of it. You’re ready and willing to give them whatever tools you can to help them, whether it’s words of wisdom or a listening ear or interpersonal communication skills or a comforting meal on a sad day.

Whether you want to give your kids symbolic gifts of courage or not, I encourage you to think through these questions. (Heck, think through them for your spouse and yourself, too!)

-What is probably my child’s biggest personal struggle or weakness right now?
-How is that weakness affecting them and how might it affect them next year?
-What hard things will this child probably face next year? (Learning to walk, starting school, puberty, heavy academic load, fizzled friendships, etc.)
-What personal strengths might help this child through these hard things?
-How would I love to see this child grow next year? How does this child hope to grow next year?
-Are there any books we can read, tools we can learn, or relationships we can connect with that will help my kid?

I hope these questions—and maybe even a super-serious Father Christmas ceremony—help your family function in a way where its members feel seen. And you, dear, reader: I hope you feel seen, too.

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts