Let's Talk About Birthdays 🎂

practical ideas, mindset shifts, and a fun activity

Since August is the most popular birthday month, I figured it’s a good time to share some tips on how to keep birthdays simple and satisfying.

Since there are seven people in our family, it’s been difficult to find the balance between making each kid feel special and being unable to meet an expectation that we’ll have an extravagant birthday celebration every other month. (Toy math: five gifts per kid each birthday and Christmas would add up to 50 new toys in our household each year! Who needs that?)

So we’ve been learning to focus on non-material ways to celebrate, and I’m grateful for that limitation. What is the goal of birthdays? To make a person feel seen, loved, and appreciated. We can opt out of things that don’t line up with that goal.

So, if you’re a person who’s planning birthdays—especially if you have a lot of them to plan each year—keep in mind these two things:

• What can we “decide once” for most birthdays? (Traditions, approximate budgets, etc…maybe even have some reusable decorations or a special plate.)

• The best tradition is Not Being Stressed Out. If you can happily plan an elaborate party for your kid and still be, um, nice, then that’s great. But if the birthday theme is simply “Birthday” and you’re able to be fully present, then it’s a birthday well-done. 😉

For example, my “Decide Once” for cakes is that I buy one from the grocery store (usually $9-13) and customize the cake using printouts of whatever they’re interested in that year ($0) and candles (about $1.) Zero stress, I tell you, but the kids love it.

Here’s a printable sheet to help you plan out each birthday. I’ll show a filled-out example in a minute.

Praise, Privileges, Responsibilities

When my oldest was about four, we started a tradition with three envelopes that are labeled with the following:

• Praise - affirm the child in ways they’ve grown this year and things you appreciate about them

• Privileges - what new things can they do now that they’re a year older and (hopefully) wiser?

• Responsibilities - what are your expectations of this child now that they’re capable of doing more helpful tasks as a member of the family team?

At the end of each child’s birthday, my husband and I have a conversation with that kid and go over the envelopes with them. It means a lot to them.

Things I Love About ______

Here are a couple more ways to affirm the birthday boy or girl (or parent):

• While eating dinner or cake, have everyone go around the table and say something they love about the birthday boy or girl (or grownup.) It’s so sweet to see each family members take on the role of “encourager”, even if they’re not someone who normally shares their feelings.

• Make an annual list of things you love about them. Keep them printed or stored in a cloud somewhere because these are valuable memories. Be specific; what makes your kid unique?

Here’s a peek of an example ⬇️

Other Birthdays

It’s also good to have a plan for other birthdays you want to remember, like close friends or extended family. You can keep a recurring date marked in Google Calendar or use a physical calendar. My annual Christmas present to my grandparents and family on my dad’s side is I make a family wall calendar with pictures of all the cousins/family members on the top half, and birthdays/anniversaries filled in on the calendar part. (No photo because I want to respect everyone’s privacy.)

TouchNote and other postcard-on-demand services are a really easy way to send a birthday card without having to buy stamps or pick up a pen.

You might want to have a “decide once” rule for gifts; what gifts do you bring to birthday parties and what gifts do you give close adult friends? Then you don’t have to think about it. For example:

• Kids get a good book and art supplies or a craft kit

• Adults get a good book and a Trader Joe’s trifecta (flowers, snack, candle)

Remember that used books are fine 😊

Activity Idea: Cardboard Birthday Cake Decorating

Here’s a simple activity that you can do any time of the year: glue some tiered cardboard boxes together and invite your kids to paint them!

You can use acrylic paints outside or cover the box-cake with paper and use watercolors.

You can even use clay to make candles! We used air-dry clay and hot-glued them on.

I hope all these ideas are helpful for you! And I hope, whether it’s your birthday or not this week, that you feel seen, known, and loved.

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts