Disassembling Fear (& At-Home Fair, Potty Training, Beans Week, and more!)

figuring out why you're afraid and if you should be, plus a recap

Hello! This month we’re focusing on Courage and Confidence, and a big part of that means finding tools to deal with what we’re afraid of. Even if you never really struggled with fear or anxiety when you were younger, chances are that having kids added some worries to your headspace. It’s a very good thing to feel the need to protect your kids and keep them safe, but we often distort that healthy instinct to rule us.

I invite you to think about the big fears that take a hold of your thoughts and ask questions like this:

• What are the actual chances of that thing I’m fearing happening? For example, the chances of getting kidnapped are about 1 in 300,000. Even then, the survival rate is extremely high. The website Let Grow has up-to-date crime statistics that will probably make you breathe a sigh of relief.

• Why do I fear this so much? Do I watch a lot of news? True crime podcasts and documentaries? Am I choosing influences that feed my fears in a way that’s unhealthy and disproportionate to the actual possibility?

• If this bad thing does actually happen someday, is it game over for any good thing ever happening again? Think about the people who have had to endure the unthinkable. Do you know some people who have gone through intense suffering but they’ve still turned out okay? Redemption seems to be a thing that actually does exist. For every “worst-case scenario”, you’ll probably find a person who went through exactly what you’re fearing and they now see purpose in that part of their story.

• Am I keeping all my fears to myself, or is there a wise person that I can process these with? Sometimes we get into our heads and small things turn into big things, but a second set of ears can often help navigate us to what is true.

• Are these fears taking attention from things that I should actually be afraid of? Maybe there’s a much worse and more preventable danger that’s right under your nose, like texting while driving, an untrustworthy boyfriend, harmful eating habits, etc. Statistically, you need to be far less concerned with child trafficking than you do of your child running away from a tense culture in your home.¹

I call asking questions like this disassembling your fears. Look at them head-on, ruthlessly pick them apart, learn from what’s valid and disregard what’s not. Even very smart people can be very easily tricked by fear.

People who have been gifted with good imaginations might particularly struggle with imagining worst-case scenarios. When your brain does that, it doesn’t mean you’re just a fearful person and that’s how you’ll always be. It means that a good thing has been distorted. You don’t have to be ruled by fear.

Last Week in Family Scripts

To simplify your inbox, we’re sending out fewer emails now, but still posting each day, so here’s a brief overview of what we sent out last week. Paid subscribers have access to the full archives.

Activity Idea: At-Home County Fair

With very little effort on your part, you can help your kids ride rollercoasters, judge livestock and crops, design a Ferris wheel, host a talent show, and make funnel cakes. We designed several printables for you to make it extra easy! Just hand the papers to your kids and let their imaginations take it from there.

At-Home County Fair

Books and Quotes: Picture Books About Courage

Sarah from Can We Read? gave us an excellent list plus some micro-reviews of picture books that can help your kids feel inspired to stand up for others.

Picture Books About Courage

Meal Inspiration: Beans Week

We shared some basic tips on how to make a good pot of beans from scratch, plus a few ideas for specific dishes that pack a ton of flavor and protein into a very low-cost meal. Also, a crock pot full of good-smelling food is even better than candles!

Beans Week

Bonus: “to the parent who is potty training their toddler”

If you happen to be in that particular 🚽 season, I hope you find this letter encouraging…and maybe even practically helpful, too. Potty training is such a big achievement and rite of passage for parent and child alike that we even designed certificates for both of you to commemorate the occasion 😅 Here’s the one for grownups:

“to the parent who is potty training their toddler”

I hope this encourages you, and I hope you’ve been enjoying the audio format. (There’s some bonus content at the end of this audio at the 4:55 mark in which my 8-year-old and I have a discussion about fear…there’s also a cute unplanned moment with my 4-year-old.)

Have a great week, and as always, you can keep checking back at FamilyScripts.com or see the link roundup next Monday in your inbox.

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts

1. A helpful (and sarcasm-filled) book on this topic is called Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy, who made headlines for being a bad parent when her 9-year-old rode the NYC subway alone. I love how she says this: “We have to learn to remind the other parents who think we're being careless when we loosen our grip that we are actually trying to teach our children how to get along in the world, and that we believe this is our job. A child who can fend for himself is a lot safer than one forever coddled, because the coddled child will not have Mom or Dad around all the time, even though they act as if he will.”