Feb 28 / Parenting + Growth // Technology Addiction, Restoring Dignity, Boredom Baskets, and More!

Here is an introduction to March's focus on Attentiveness!

Hello!
Wow, what a heavy and painful weekend. Our hearts are broken with the people of Ukraine. I wrote more on Hope’s Notes (free) about how we can respond to global suffering and scary possibilities.

For the month of March, we’re going to focus on Attentiveness. We want to be able to be more present for our people and feel more human. Though technology addiction is painful to deal with, it’s worth it!

Here’s what’s in this newsletter:

Pep Talk: Your Attention is Worth More Than You Think

Challenge: 25 Days of Digital Decluttering

Life Hacks: Practical Tips for Unplugging

From Our Hearts

Bonus: Announcing Your Break on Social Media

Pep Talk: Your Attention is Worth More Than You Think

Have you ever thought about the most valuable thing that you own? I’d argue that it’s not your skills, wardrobe, or bank account, but your time and attention.

Last week, we talked about the dangers of scarcity mindset, but time really is probably the most scarce resource. Once a moment has passed, you don’t get to have it again. It’s gone. There’s no going backward. That’s scary, isn’t it?

Can you wrap your mind around how many ads you see subconsciously? Next time you go on Instagram, keep track of how often your Stories or feed shows you ads. It’s probably every third post…or even more frequent than that. This is because Instagram has sold your attention.

Or notice how much shorter TV shows are when you stream them without commercials. A 30-minute show is suddenly 21 minutes. Those 9 minutes (almost 1/3 of the time) were a result of that TV network selling your attention.

News networks share a lot of bad news because they know it gets more of our attention. Facebook shows us controversial posts from your great-aunt before it shows you a thoughtful reflection from your friend because the algorithms know that controversy gets attention.

Marketing on some level has to happen for businesses to grow. Some of you have probably found Family Scripts because of an Instagram ad. Marketing is not inherently evil. Social media is not evil. Screens are not evil.

However, always being the product is not only a waste of our attention but also an insult to our intelligence. It’s a dignity issue.

I dare you to believe that you are worth more than that. Your kids are worth more than that. Allow yourself to believe that time with you is more valuable to your kids than time in front of a screen. Go ahead, believe it. It’s not prideful. It’s objectively true.

Søren Kierkegaard is credited with saying that boredom is “the despairing refusal to be oneself.” When we choose to scroll on our phones or look for a new show, let’s ask ourselves why.

• Am I bored because I’m scared of being alone?

• Am I numbing myself so I don’t have to think about hard things?

• How many senses am I using to engage with this?

• Does this activity make me feel more connected or more separated from reality?

• Am I trying to rob myself of something truly good?

Boredom and addiction degrade us. We treat ourselves as if we have less dignity than we actually do.

Let’s embrace our own human dignity this month. How does that sound? Here are some tools to help.

Challenge

For the month of March, let’s challenge ourselves and consider what optional tech we can turn off. Think for yourself and for your kids. You can do a blanket rule like “No optional screens for anyone” or, if you feel like that wouldn’t actually happen, here are some more nuanced ideas for “digital decluttering”:

• Only use social media one day of the week

• No Youtube for the kids

• No Netflix if I’m by myself

• Only use the TV during weekends

• No phone between the hours of 8 pm and 10 am (see “phone sleeping bag” tip below)

Even more important than figuring out what you’ll give up, however, is figuring out what you’re trying to gain. Think about how you’ll spend that time instead. Some ideas:

• Reading

• Taking my kids to the park

• Volunteering

• Going on walks

• Learning to watercolor

• Calling my grandma

You can print this out and check off which days you manage to keep your rules. Try for at least 25 days this month!

Slow Tech Challenge

13.3KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

If this challenge feels too big, could you at least try it for one day on March 5? It’s the National Day of Unplugging; perfect timing! And maybe you’ll like it so much that you’ll want to join us for the rest of the challenge.

Or, if you’re observing Lent, you can challenge yourself to fast from optional technology from Ash Wednesday (March 2) to Easter (April 17.)

Life Hacks: Practical Tips for Unplugging

Phone Sleeping Bag

A big help in not using your phone is to put it in a space where it is designated as not available. You might feel nervous about turning your phone off in case of emergency, but here’s a good alternative: put it in a sleeping bag.

You can buy a “phone sleeping bag” for $19 online, but we figured out a much more resourceful alternative: use a sock! You can even paint something like “FOCUS” on it with acrylic paint. Stretch it over your phone and charge it, if you’d like. You can see notifications through the stretched fabric if you need to, but it’s clear that it’s set aside for a certain chunk of time so you can give your attention elsewhere.

Clocks and Watches

Many of the times we look at our phones, it’s because we’re checking the time…then we see a notification. Thirty-seven minutes later, we’ve watched a ton of Tiktoks and have a new song clip stuck in our heads. We’re most susceptible to this at bedtime.

It might be helpful for you to start using a nightstand clock and/or a watch.

Many of the productivity/slow tech books recommend keeping your phone away from your bed. Charge it outside of your bedroom (or at least on the other side of your room.) You might be surprised by how much more peaceful your evenings are if you put your phone down at a certain time and put a clock/alarm on your nightstand to replace its functional purpose.

Boredom Basket

Put together a basket or container of things that you could work on instead of plugging in. Don’t make it too overwhelming; maybe choose three to five items such as:

• A gratitude journal

• A watercolor set and pad (like this cheap bundle or this and this) (and maybe instructional book)

• An easy read (like the insightful The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry or humorous and heartwarming The Charlatan’s Boy)

• A more challenging book (like a pyschiatrist’s Auschwitz experience in Man’s Search for Meaning or the paradigm-shifting Simplicity Parenting)

• Knitting needles and yarn

• A paint-by-number kit—$12 for hours of painting, and you’ll have a finished Van Gogh(ish) by the end

• Stationery for writing letters

• Card games or board games to do with someone you love (like Hive Pocket, Bananagrams, or Dutch Blitz)

We just spent a month trying to be more intentional with our money, but maybe now is a time when we can spend a little and treat ourselves to something that will loosen technology’s grip and buy us more time. However, I’ll bet you don’t have to buy anything if you look around your house for books and projects you haven’t finished.

Most of those activities can be done with your kids or modified for their own “boredom basket.” (We’ll talk about some unplugging activities for kids tomorrow.)

From Our Hearts

May you see your attention as valuable as your kids see it.

May you reclaim some dignity that technology addictions might’ve stolen from you.

May you have the bravery to deal with your own thoughts.

May you find meaningful, happy new ways to spend your discretionary time.

May any built-up anxiety from overstimulation fade away.

May your days feel full of good things.

We are praying these things for you.

Thanks for reading!

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts

Bonus: Announcing Your Break on Social Media

Nobody wants to be the self-righteous goober who brags about their lack of social media use…but it still might be worth it for you to announce that you’re taking a break for a couple reasons:

• Some people might be worried about you and wonder if you’re okay

• Some people might be upset with why you didn’t respond to them on that platform

• Some people might want to join you and see the appeal of unplugging!

Here are three options for “away messages” you can save to your phone and post, as well as a little idea of what you can say in your post:

“Social media has been taking up a lot of my time and energy lately, so I’m going to take a break so I can be purposeful with my attention. If you have been struggling with technology addiction too, I encourage you to join me and try unplugging for a month. I’ll be back here on April 1st!”