It's Important That We Actually Enjoy Parenting

our kids notice if we like them 😉

Hello! It’s important that you enjoy parenting. More specifically, it’s important that you enjoy your kids. When kids believe that their parents actually like them, it gives them confidence and helps them like themselves!

That’s my biggest goal with Family Scripts, I think: helping parents and caregivers enjoy their kids. For many of us, it doesn’t come as naturally as expected, and you might find yourself asking, “Why did I take this path in life?”

If you dread the morning footsteps, or the 4-7 pm “witching hour,” or the summers when the kids are home from school, a couple quick tips or contemplative questions won’t fix everything. But maybe there are some things you can think through or change that can help.

Tough questions ahead, beware 😜

1. Identify Unmet Expectations

Ask yourself:

• Why did I choose to become a parent/caregiver in the first place?

• What did I tend to envision for my life at this point?

• Is my current life lining up with that dream? Was my dream even good or realistic? Is my actual life even better than I dreamed, in some ways?

• What unmet expectations do I have with my kids?

• In what ways am I disappointing myself with my own parenting?

Just because your current life doesn’t match up with your previous expectations doesn’t mean that it should. But unmet expectations—especially ones we didn’t realize we had—can cause a lot of damage. It’s good to begin by realizing what’s there. Maybe you’ve lost sight of the vision.

2. Can You Help Your Kids Be Less Difficult and Annoying?

This might sound harsh, but maybe the reason you’re not enjoying parenting is that your kids are not enjoyable to be around.

If your child—no matter their age—spends a lot of time watching annoying media on YouTube, Tiktok, Netflix, etc., they are probably going to be as annoying as a composite of those influences.

There’s a difference between loving our kids unconditionally and failing to create boundaries. Passivity is not the same as love.

Creating boundaries for your kids can give them the gift of dignity. If you help cultivate a positive attitude, respect for others, original thinking, creativity, compassion, a love for learning, etc., you are helping your kids be interesting people that you—and others—will enjoy.

We don’t want to raise people-pleasers who are obsessed with their own likability, of course, but we do want to help them be confident people who like themselves. (Liking yourself is one of the big foundations of true humility, by the way.)

Questions:

• Why don’t I enjoy being with my kids?

• What are some influences in their lives that are shaping their personalities in annoying ways?

• What are some boundaries we can create—and different influences we can encourage—that can help our kids like themselves more?

3. Is Everybody Overstimulated?

Maybe one of the reasons your family is life-sucking more than life-giving is because you just have too much going on. Overstimulation is a sneaky culprit for lots of life’s problems. (I wrote more about this here and highly recommend Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. I really struggle with this one!)

• Do you need to simplify your schedule?

• Do you actually get quality time with your kids, or is it all just homework help and driving them to sports?

• Is all your clutter stealing some of your peacefulness?

• Throughout your week, when do you get to have conversations with your kids about things that really matter?

4. Are There Things You Can Enjoy Together?

On a Venn diagram of your interests vs. your kids’ interests, where’s the overlap?

You don’t have to force yourself into enjoying Monopoly, Dr. Seuss, or Minecraft…but what do you enjoy that’s age-appropriate for your kids?

Your kids might be really into Roblox and you might be really into crypto, but what do you think you could be into together? Fishing? Cooking? Painting your nails? 90’s alt rock bands? Volunteering? Watercolors? Trying new taco places? Watching Parks and Rec? Reading next to each other?

I hope that overlap in the middle gets bigger and bigger as you find things you can enjoy together.

And when you don’t like what they like, you can be honest! I’ve told my 11-year-old son, “I love your interests and I like almost everything you’re into, but I don’t care about Minecraft and I don’t want to research any questions about dinosaurs.” Those are my boundaries 😅 He actually appreciates that and knows that the door is open for everything else.

5. Or Maybe You’re Just in a Hard Season

Sometimes family is life-sucking because there are just some really sucky things going on that you can’t change. Someone who is throwing up twenty times a day from pregnancy, dealing with bleeding nipples, feeling heartbroken by toxic relationships, mourning a loss, or weeping from a teen’s harmful choices is just going through a hard time.

Sometimes there are no actionable steps to take and you just have to grieve and hope and persevere.

Whew. I’m sending hugs, if you’re in this spot.

I hope you get to enjoy your kids today.

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts

P.S. Sorry this post came out a day late! 😬

P.P.S. Here’s a lock screen reminder for ya! Love is worth the risk.