July 18 // How to Have a Yes Day + how to say "Yes" on the regular days, too

ever want to know what a real-life Yes Day might look like?

This month we’ve been focusing on childlikeness and fun because many of us might feel that we’ve lost ourselves in parenting. That was the situation in the Jennifer Garner movie Yes Day: a mom who used to always go on adventures and try wild things found that she had become boring and negative. Her kids only knew her for all the times she said “no.” So their family had a “Yes Day” to have fun together and repair their relationship.

The movie isn’t an intellectual masterpiece, but it’s cute, fun, and probably appropriate for your family (check Common Sense Media or Plugged In.) But most of all, it’s inspiring! You might not be willing to drive through the car wash with the windows down, but a Yes Day is very doable with some ground rules!

Here are some suggested limits:

1. We won’t do anything illegal, unkind, or dangerous. This includes eating dangerous amounts of sugar! Ice cream for breakfast is fine, but we’ve got to make some healthy choices so we don’t feel yucky. Also, it would be unkind for the kids to do something that really embarrassed someone else.

2. We must stay within budget. Your budget can even be $0! The emphasis isn’t on spending but on having fun together. You might want to make an eating-out allowance such as “we can eat out for one meal and one snack” or something, because special food experiences hit different 😋

3. The “Yes” must be for the present, not the future. My daughter’s first plan for Yes Day was to ask for a pet hedgehog. Nope. The emphasis is on one day, so all requests must be made on that day. This also means the budget will not be spent on stuff but on experiences; purchased items stay with you in the future.

4. Plans must be approved by parents. In the movie, the kids surprised the parents with all the plans, and that clearly didn’t go well. Let your kids do the planning, but check in on them every once in awhile to keep them on the right track. If you say your “no’s” beforehand, you can be much more positive on the actual Yes Day!

One more tip: give them notice! Have them literally mark it on their calendars and count down the days.

Our Yes Day was a hit! The kids had about two weeks to plan it; their little planning meetings were adorable and very helpful for the peacefulness of the day. They thought of everything!

This list had to be modified because it was above budget and couldn’t possibly happen in our time window of 7 am to 9 pm. But we did most of the things 😉

Here’s what our Yes Day looked like for kids ages 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2. I didn’t take a lot of pictures because I wanted to be fully present! (In the movie, grownups couldn’t have phones.)

• The kids smacked my husband and I with pillows to wake us up.

• We had aloe juice and ice cream with our pancakes and eggs. When a child asked if she could have her cereal with orange juice instead of milk, it was a “Yes!” When another asked if she could wear a diaper for the morning, I considered the rules and had to conclude that it was a “Yes!” We also let the kids drink coffee when they asked (heavy on the milk 😉)

• The girls had my husband cut out paper dolls for them with an X-acto while my older son and I played a video game together.

• The kids handed us our fanciest clothes and told us we were going to have a wedding. My husband and I walked down the aisle and the 8-year-old officiated the ceremony. Then we all danced!

• Then we changed clothes and headed out. A few days prior, I had heard about a community party at a nearby lake with free food, snow cones, and kayak rentals. That little tip helped the kids make this plan. It was a perfect afternoon at the lake and we didn’t even have to dip into the budget.

• After we changed clothes again, my husband took the girls roller skating while the boys and I went fishing at a pond.

• We ate dinner at an Asian buffet. Buffets are great for Yes Day because you can say “yes” to everything! (Bonus if it includes ice cream!)

• We went home, enjoyed lots of snacks, and watched two movies. (My husband didn’t need to say yes to that second film, but the kids love bragging about it 😅)

The day was a very sweet success, and the kids assured me that they’ll give me a Yes Day soon. Can’t wait for that!
My husband said we should do this every year, maybe even quarterly. Why not, right?

Saying “Yes” In the Everyday

Sometimes we need to give our kids “The Gift of No.” In the real world, they will be denied things. They will desperately want things—even good things—and not get them. The world humbles you in that way, and it’s helpful to guide them through those feelings of denial when they’re still at home with you.

Now is also a time to help your kids figure out what they really need in life…and what they already have. People with a grateful perspective ask for fewer things because they don’t feel a lot of lack. When you are aware of your blessings, most of the time life just feels like yes.

It’s good to weigh all these things as we care for the hearts of our kids. But also…doesn’t it just delight your heart to delight theirs? It’s really fun to say yes! Here are some doable ways to say yes in the everyday:

• Fruits and vegetables are a snack you can pretty much always say “yes” to.

• You can let the kids choose the playlist or audiobook you listen to in the car

• Library = shopping spree; you can say yes after yes and it costs $0.

• Family dance parties are an easy, memorable “YES!”

• You can almost always say “yes” to an extra twenty minutes of fun past bedtime if they do an extra twenty minutes of chores beforehand 😏

Hopefully these ideas inspire you a little! It feels so nice to say yes!

Please write to us if you have a “Yes Day” of your own!

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts