To the Person Who Struggles With Self-Care

when the typical advice doesn't work or doesn't seem possible

To the person who has trouble taking care of herself,

People have probably given you advice as if it’s easy, or as if it should work right away:

“Take a bath. Get your nails done. Go for a girls weekend.”

Well, none of those things feel possible for someone with kids and minimal support. Or maybe baths just didn’t actually help.

“Grab some wine and let yourself scroll on your phone by yourself in the evenings because #selfcare.”

What if my feed just increases my anxiety? What if a lot of wine doesn’t make me feel good the next day?

“Take it easy. Everything will work out.”

But, okay, what if it hasn’t been working out so far? What if kind of a lot rides on me?

“You should see a therapist.”

Sure, I’d love to. But for $125 an hour? And who will watch my kids?

Do you ever feel like you just suck at taking care of your mental health and everyone else makes it seem so easy?

We have to stop and evaluate what self-care is actually working for us and what is possible in this season.

I think this is a key:

Accept all things in your life with gratitude, and reframe anything you can as self-care.

Example 1: Doing the dishes at night because you never got around to them in the day is self-care.

Ok, so your kitchen is a disaster. Having clean dishes tomorrow and feeling good about your kitchen situation is giving a gift to yourself. It even activates the five senses: the smell of the soap, the sounds of the music or audiobook you’re listening to, the warmth on your skin (or gloves), the taste of chocolate as a treat for when you’re done, the sight of a clean space. The home is quiet, and you can think for a second. (It would almost be luxurious if you weren’t scraping mystery mush off your plates.)

Example 2: Asking hard questions after you indulged in some form of escapism is self-care.

Nobody usually feels good after spending a solid hour looking at Instagram, or drinking a whole bottle of wine, etc. In the moment it feels like it will help, but how often does it really? There’s definitely a time and place when screen time and fancy drinks hit the spot, but if you’ve overindulged and you feel yucky about it, it’s self-care to slow down and ask “Why do I feel the need to numb myself?” and figuring out what’s really going on in your heart.

Example 3: Putting your babies in their crib/kids in a childproof room, setting a timer for 5 minutes, and taking some time to reset is self-care.

Susanna Wesley, a 17th-century mother of 19 children, was known for bringing her apron over her head and praying while her kids played around her. Maybe you need to take an apron-breather today 😅

Example 4: Working a solid six-day week and devoting an entire day each week to rest is self-care.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, you will benefit from a legitimate day of rest each week. I think our bodies and minds get confused when we work when we can and rest when we can, and a lot of times when we get sick, it’s because our bodies are forcing us to slow down. There’s hardly anything as satisfying as working hard six days of the week but knowing that your 7th day is going to be epically restful.

I hope this encouraged you. As always, you can reach out if you’re really struggling. I hope you find some true rest.

Warmly,

Hope from Family Scripts