To the person who's addicted to their phones...đą
you're not the only one...but there's hope â¤ď¸
Whew. Youâre not alone, even if youâre a grown-up and feel like you should know better. Fellow struggler here đââď¸
If you find yourself reaching for the phone or the remote much more often than you likeâand if your phoneâs âScreen Timeâ stats scare youâhere are some points of comfort (and a bit of practical help.)
Here in the Information Age, weâre all still figuring things out.
No generation has been through this before. If youâre a millennial or Gen Z, youâve grown up with technology in a way thatâs never occurred in all of history. If youâre a Gen X or Boomer, you might regret the screen time youâve allowed your kids, but you were parenting in unfamiliar territory, too. All of us are figuring out the consequences of ubiquitous tech as we go. Itâs a bit of an experiment. So show yourself some grace.
Whatâs behind the need to scroll or binge?
That said, no human struggle is really that new.1 Self-control has been a struggle since the beginning of mankind! But, as with other instances where we have compulsive behavior, we have to look for the reason behind it.
When you find yourself grabbing your phone, ask yourself why? Are you avoiding any feelings? Are you terrified of being bored? Are you scared of thinking about your own mortality and having an existential crisis?
Whatever youâre feeling, I want you to give yourself compassion in the same way that we can show compassion to other people with addictions: maybe youâre trying to numb pain. Your feelings matter, and there are people who are willing to help you heal â¤ď¸
Itâs okay to sit in your feelings for a bit and be honest and sad.
Iâll speak for myself here. Iâm heartbroken at how much my kids have seen the back of my phone instead of my own eyes. There have been times of my life where my phone use has taken up as much time as a part-time job, though I had nothing to show for it. There are so many things I wish I couldâve done with literal years of my life that have been spent on screens.
Iâm also sad by how my screen use affects me. Iâm more fearful because of all the bad news Iâve seen. Iâm less gracious because Iâve subjected myself to so many posts that annoyed me and fed a feeling of âcringe.â Iâm more insecure because Iâve felt like other people have seen my posts as âcringe.â Seeing all the highlights of other peopleâs lives has helped me make a composite image of the perfect life (that no one actually has), and that makes me feel discontent. All the ads are surely affecting me and intended to make me feel discontent and ungrateful, too.
I also donât like that I feel the need to pick up my phone as often as I do. I donât want anything to have mastery over me like that. Being honest about these things helps me figure out what I really want.
But I refuse to fall into a pit of despair about this. Now letâs get to the positive side of things.
Technology isnât bad.
The definition of technology is âpractical application of knowledge in a certain area.â Some examples throughout history? Fire. Ramps. Pulleys.
All of these things have been used to do bad things, but just because bad things sometimes happen because of fire doesnât mean that we should quit fire.
Innovation is amazing, and most of it can be used to do great good. I canât believe we live in a time where we can learn how to fix appliances on Youtube or find incredible recipes on Pinterest or listen to life-giving music on Spotify or connect with people all over the world on Instagram. We also get to carry incredible cameras in our pockets! (For that reason alone I donât ever plan to give up my smartphone.)
We can do so much good with this very thing that we sometimes hate.
Maybe the âwastedâ time isnât a total waste.
Hereâs another point of comfort if youâre beating yourself up about âwastingâ so much time: redemption is a thing. Maybe you feel like garbage after bingeing a series, but you never know who you might be able to connect with someday over having both seen that show. Maybe you went down a Youtube rabbit hole and learned way too much about ancient Egypt, but it expanded your view of the world and humbled you a bit.
One time I was scrolling mindlessly on Facebookâand I remember feeling guilty about itâbut just as I was about to close out, I saw that an acquaintance was renting out her house. We signed the lease and loved that house, and had incredible neighbors who taught me a lot about family life. (Also, that acquaintance is now a friend.) That âwastefulâ screen time was redeemed in a big way.
But we donât want to start a doomscrolling session because amazing things could happen đ So some practical tips:
Keep your phone out of your room.
This is a rule youâll see on lots of lists, and reader Sara shared that never bringing her phone to her room really works for her. Use an old-school alarm clock next to your bed. Charge your phone outside your room. Keep some light reading in the bathroom, if you need a distraction during potty time đ
In our house, we have a family computer in the dining room (which is where we also do school) and we keep all the kidsâ screens in a little storage bag on the computer desk. Thatâs where I charge my phone, too. Screens are intended to be a special treat. They get to use their devices on Sundays and on long drives, or with special permission at the end of the day.
Lately Iâve gotten too lax with screen use, especially with my 2-year-old, and I feel like the kids and I have all been a bit restless and inattentive as a result. Iâve taken a moment to be sad about that, and weâre going back to more readalouds and time outside. Seasons existâand screens are a tremendous gift when you or your kids are sickâbut sometimes you just need to pivot back to rhythms and guidelines that help your family do whatâs most important to you.
Use an app like Flora to reward yourself for times of focused activity.
Iâve tried so many apps to gamify productivity or block me out of screen use but so far, Flora has yielded the most results for me, and eventually I stopped needing to use it because I actually felt like I stopped using my phone compulsively.
The premise is that you plant a seed of focused timeâmaybe 5 minutes or up to 3 hoursâand youâre not allowed to use your phone during that time. When itâs over, you get a little digital plant in your garden to symbolize the life-giving time you spent focusing.
The app is free, but a premium membership allows you to plant actual trees once you reach a certain number of focused hours. Even though itâs cheaper to just donate directly to an organization that plants trees, I paid for a membership for a couple months because I needed that extra motivation.
The first week I used the app, I had 34 hours in focused sessions! Did that mean that I wouldâve spent 34 hours on my phone instead? No, but that simple choice to choose a seed and start a focus session helps prevent me take a break from scrolling and feel freed up to do something that matters to me more. I love the symbolism.
Take Regular Breaks
In The Tech-Wise Family, Andy Crouch says his family has committed to turning off their phones for one hour each day, one day each week, and one week each year. Reader ChloĂŠ shared that she takes a break from social media every quarter; thatâs a great idea.
Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find some benefit from occasionally resetting and remembering who you are and what you love without the things that sometimes get in your way.
What do you want more than screens?
As we shared last week from Digital Minimalism, the goal isnât less screen time for the sake of less screen time, but a higher quality of life.
I want my kids and I to enjoy time outside, in good books, honing skills, laughing, talking, eating good food, connecting with people, serving others, and exploring. I donât want screens to steal any of that from us.
But part of a âhigh-quality lifeâ also includes seeing excellent movies, Facetiming with relatives, watching our favorite YouTubers together (like Ryan Trahan or Little Women Atelier), planning things we want to do on Pinterest, using Google Maps to find cool places to visit, and yes, also giggling over memes and funny videos.
Keep a Note to Self Somewhere
I keep a note for myself titled âWhen You Wasted a Ton of Time On Your Phoneâ because I can really tend to be unkind to myself and feel paralyzed by my own failures. The note reminds me of some of the things Iâve shared here, and since Iâm a Christian, it also includes encouragement from the Bible. When Iâm feeling really down on myself about wasted timeâor how judgmental I find myself becomingâI need to know that God sees me and loves me tenderly and unconditionally.
It feels like I should be too mature to struggle with phone addiction, but âshouldâ is a very unhelpful word. Idealism is the enemy of progress.
Letâs all be honest, make some changes, show ourselves grace, and repeat. You can feel empowered by how you spend your time. Iâm rooting for you! đđź
Warmly,
Hope from Family Scripts
See the words of an Israelite king over 2000 years ago: âWhat has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.â (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
Idealism is the enemy of progress. Thats going on the mirror