I definitely have a lot of opportunity for growth in acomodido too, but a few things I do with my own kids to this end do seem to be paying off:
1) I frame whatever needs to be done as teamwork, whether it's for our own benefit or the benefit of others. We even have a name we call our family team. When we have a task, especially a big or hard one that no one really likes (carrying chopped wood into our storage area, for instance, which is heavy, dirty work and has to be done over and over and OVER in the late summer and fall if we want to enjoy our fireplace all winter), I say something like, "Miller Family Drum Circle, let's go! Many hands make light work! We can do this!" (Miller Family Drum Circle started as an inside joke when our children were babies but it stuck, and now my husband and I use it all the time to communicate that as family, we *are* a team.)
2) Instead of expecting my young children to understand what needs to be done -- to know that desire of helpfulness automatically -- I say what I see, and I model what I want. So after dinner I might be like, "I see a counter that needs to be wiped," and then I wipe it. Or, "I see dishes that need to go into the washer," and then I put them in. After only a little while of making my behavior explicit, my kids got it and started responding after I called it out. They're still not 100% able to do this without my scaffolding, but that's okay -- that's the way a skill gets built, and I have faith that they will get there. (Another version of this is, "I need a helper! Who wants to put toppings on the oatmeal this morning?" Or whatever. They are so eager to meet the call of "being a helper," but if I want them to do that, I have to say it; I can't expect them to see it on their own.)
3) I think one of the most powerful things we can do as parents is model the behavior we'd like to see. I could talk until I am blue in the face about the importance of serving other people, including each other as family, but what my children learn from is what *I am actually doing,* not what I'm saying. Anything I want in them or for them starts with me.
(And remember: you have years and years to cultivate this -- it's not a one-and-done thing, and you don't have to be perfect at it. It's not too late, so don't be too hard on yourself. Parents -- and families -- are a continual work in progress, and that's a gift, because it means we can change and grow and begin again at any moment.)
Oh. My. Goodness. This is INCREDIBLE. All three of those tips are gold. I loveeee the name for your family team, too! That's hilarious and endearing; the girls will be telling that family legend for years!
I LOVE the idea to mention what needs to be done and then meeting that need yourself to show that YOU are acomodido, too. Wow, these are very very good things.
This is all so good including Sarah’s very helpful ideas. But like all good ideas, it’s leaving me with more questions/ponderings and I’m hoping this little community can help offer some insight. I’m listening to Smart Money Smart Kids (a Dave Ramsey book) and he suggests giving kids a commission on the work they do in the home to help them tie working hard equals getting paid. To an extent, I agree. I wish I had learned earlier about saving and spending and delaying gratification and it’s something I’d love to teach my daughter. But I also think paying kids for chores creates entitlement- I fed the cats, I get money instead of just being a contributing member of the family. No one pays me to feed the cats. Lol! I’m wondering where the balance is. I have a very helpful 3 1/2 year old who loves helping around the house. I’d hate to ruin the helpfulness by now paying her for the things she is currently doing that just helps with the day to day chores. 🤔🤔🤔
I read about paying children for their passions for this very reason and in the hopes that children will later find a way to make their passions their work.
So I pay my daughter for her piano lessons. Shes 4 so a quarter for weekly lessons and a dime for daily practice.
Oh that’s really smart!! I like that idea. I’ve started paying her to brush her teeth in the morning. I always forget to remind her so this helps her take initiative to remember to do it everyday. But turning passions into profit is really smart!
Oh I might have to do that with my daughter😂 We do the family brushing at night but my husband and I are awake way before her so that doesn’t work for morning brushings. Thanks for the idea!
I just heard the idea to put a jar with $30/$31 in your kid’s room, and every night you check it, and if it isn’t clean, take a dollar out of the jar. Whatever is leftover the kids get to keep. You can do it for yourself too with coffee money or whatever lol.
I definitely have a lot of opportunity for growth in acomodido too, but a few things I do with my own kids to this end do seem to be paying off:
1) I frame whatever needs to be done as teamwork, whether it's for our own benefit or the benefit of others. We even have a name we call our family team. When we have a task, especially a big or hard one that no one really likes (carrying chopped wood into our storage area, for instance, which is heavy, dirty work and has to be done over and over and OVER in the late summer and fall if we want to enjoy our fireplace all winter), I say something like, "Miller Family Drum Circle, let's go! Many hands make light work! We can do this!" (Miller Family Drum Circle started as an inside joke when our children were babies but it stuck, and now my husband and I use it all the time to communicate that as family, we *are* a team.)
2) Instead of expecting my young children to understand what needs to be done -- to know that desire of helpfulness automatically -- I say what I see, and I model what I want. So after dinner I might be like, "I see a counter that needs to be wiped," and then I wipe it. Or, "I see dishes that need to go into the washer," and then I put them in. After only a little while of making my behavior explicit, my kids got it and started responding after I called it out. They're still not 100% able to do this without my scaffolding, but that's okay -- that's the way a skill gets built, and I have faith that they will get there. (Another version of this is, "I need a helper! Who wants to put toppings on the oatmeal this morning?" Or whatever. They are so eager to meet the call of "being a helper," but if I want them to do that, I have to say it; I can't expect them to see it on their own.)
3) I think one of the most powerful things we can do as parents is model the behavior we'd like to see. I could talk until I am blue in the face about the importance of serving other people, including each other as family, but what my children learn from is what *I am actually doing,* not what I'm saying. Anything I want in them or for them starts with me.
(And remember: you have years and years to cultivate this -- it's not a one-and-done thing, and you don't have to be perfect at it. It's not too late, so don't be too hard on yourself. Parents -- and families -- are a continual work in progress, and that's a gift, because it means we can change and grow and begin again at any moment.)
Oh. My. Goodness. This is INCREDIBLE. All three of those tips are gold. I loveeee the name for your family team, too! That's hilarious and endearing; the girls will be telling that family legend for years!
I LOVE the idea to mention what needs to be done and then meeting that need yourself to show that YOU are acomodido, too. Wow, these are very very good things.
Thank you so much, Sarah!
🥰🥰🥰🥰
I SEE A COMMENT THAT NEEDS A BIG CLAP 🔥
This made me literally LOL 😂
This is all so good including Sarah’s very helpful ideas. But like all good ideas, it’s leaving me with more questions/ponderings and I’m hoping this little community can help offer some insight. I’m listening to Smart Money Smart Kids (a Dave Ramsey book) and he suggests giving kids a commission on the work they do in the home to help them tie working hard equals getting paid. To an extent, I agree. I wish I had learned earlier about saving and spending and delaying gratification and it’s something I’d love to teach my daughter. But I also think paying kids for chores creates entitlement- I fed the cats, I get money instead of just being a contributing member of the family. No one pays me to feed the cats. Lol! I’m wondering where the balance is. I have a very helpful 3 1/2 year old who loves helping around the house. I’d hate to ruin the helpfulness by now paying her for the things she is currently doing that just helps with the day to day chores. 🤔🤔🤔
I read about paying children for their passions for this very reason and in the hopes that children will later find a way to make their passions their work.
So I pay my daughter for her piano lessons. Shes 4 so a quarter for weekly lessons and a dime for daily practice.
Oh that’s really smart!! I like that idea. I’ve started paying her to brush her teeth in the morning. I always forget to remind her so this helps her take initiative to remember to do it everyday. But turning passions into profit is really smart!
Oh I might have to do that with my daughter😂 We do the family brushing at night but my husband and I are awake way before her so that doesn’t work for morning brushings. Thanks for the idea!
I just heard the idea to put a jar with $30/$31 in your kid’s room, and every night you check it, and if it isn’t clean, take a dollar out of the jar. Whatever is leftover the kids get to keep. You can do it for yourself too with coffee money or whatever lol.
Lol E would LOSE HER MIND😂🤣 Anything hers is always hers🙈
Thanks for the shout-out lovely! I've been meaning to read that book for months now.